Mr Pickle

The credits roll on another entertaining episode of Friday Night with Jonathon Ross. I know what comes next.

“Ahh, is Lily upset that Mr Pickle was not on tonight?”

I’m disappointed, it’s true.

“You like Mr Pickle, don’t you Lily?”

I do like Mr Pickle. I think he has a cute face in a ran-into-a-tree-whilst-chasing-a-stick kind of way. It’s a look that works well for him.

He has a good name. Adding the ‘Mr’ transforms it from something that should accompany a pork pie into a classy, distinguished title. I considered doing the same with mine; but Miss Lily sounds more Working Girl than Working Dog. Besides Dad says it fails the Calling for Your Dog in a Public Place Test. He has a point.

“I don’t think he’s going to be too interested in a ruff ‘un like you though darling; he’s famous and very posh” Dad teases.

Raising an eyebrow I glance towards him, over to Mum and then back to Dad, I deliberate but refrain from making obvious comment.

Closing my eyes I drift into a little fantasy day dream: It’s a warm summer day. Mr Pickle and I scamper happily through woodland together, occasionally stopping for an affectionate sniff before sharing a juicy bone next to a trickling stream secluded by tall oak trees.

It’s then I notice for the first time his attire; sparkly electric blue jacket with matching tie and booties. I retreat to reality.

I just can’t help but think that dog coats are for softies. What next, wet suits for fish?

Sadly, I face the facts; Mr Pickle and I are unlikely to have a future. Not without a serious reconsideration of his current wardrobe. It seems that even fame and fortune does not buy you style.

Just take a look at his Dad.

I head out for my night-time run, and ponder what might have been….